Healthy Living: mind, body, soul

While I’m Waiting

Eat this! Don’t eat that! Do this, do that! “Have you tried…?” There are so many opinions and “experts” out there when it comes to trying to get pregnant. They even have specific fertility diets, exercises, positions, supplements, not to mention doctor subscribed hormone injections and medicine! drug-1482617_960_720

When you are desperate for answers as to why, you seek out this advise and even try a few of the crazy suggestions in hopes that maybe, just maybe that will be the golden ticket to a baby Brownie! I’ve done fertility diets, everything from eliminating gluten, all sugar, and no soy to only having grass fed meat and eating liver! YES, LIVER! Ewww. I’ve ran marathons and had a body fat percentage equivalent to an elite athlete to not running more than 10 miles a week and only doing fertility yoga (yes that exists). All of this still only led to disappointment month after month plus created more worry, more stress, more bitterness, and more unhappiness.

There are so many contradicting opinions when it comes to what works and what doesn’t. Every couple, every woman is completely different and the human body is a marvelous thing that I don’t think doctors even fully understand. We have unexplained infertility, which basically means our bodies and why we can’t conceive are complete mysteries to the doctors. It got so frustrating sacrificing things I love to do like run and eat cheesecake, 😉 I became obsessive about it which only caused more stress. It made me bitter towards others who got pregnant without trying, who ate whatever they wanted and did whatever they wanted and got pregnant on birth control. So I said enough is enough, gave in to cravings, and threw myself a pity party. Each month that passed with another disappointment, I used it as an excuse to eat that cookie or six, skip a workout, be a Netflix binge watching couch potato, and drink that glass of wine or bottle! After all, I’ve suffered for eight years, that’s 96 months, 2920 days of rollercoaster emotions of hope, disappointment, sadness, and flat out grief. I can enjoy to have some happiness in the form of food and movies right!? So yes, I threw myself a pity party! HOORAY! Until….I recently stepped on the dreaded numerical bathroom fixture known as a scale (insert jaws theme song) and realized in the past year I’ve gained a grand total of a small child…. Pity party crashed! Thankfully that number was a wake up call and snapped me out of it.

While I still struggle daily, I’ve decided that while we wait on baby Brownie and when we can pursue fertility treatments again, I will invest my time and energy into getting healthy again, physically and spiritually. I’m an extremely patient person but I don’t think waiting for things comes naturally to anyone. Especially when you are a planner and goal oriented like I am. It is so hard to sit back and take things as they come and just wait. So while I wait, I will dedicate my time to being the best I can be with what God has given me today, right now. I will strive to be the best  teacher to my school kids, I will strive to be a better wife, and I will work daily to be the best me by becoming healthy again. I will not stress over tomorrow and while I wait I will praise Him step by step.

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